Addiction doesn’t just affect the user, it can wreak havoc on relationships and even destroy them entirely. But don’t be discouraged, you have the ability to get sober and mend those broken relationships.
Whether you’re currently struggling with addiction or have been proudly sober for years, you’re not alone — a study from the Faces and Voices Recovery Campaign showed that approximately two-thirds of American families are affected by addiction in some way. By understanding how your relationships became strained in the first place, you can then take steps toward rebuilding them.
How Does Addiction Affect Relationships?
Before you take any measures towards repairing your relationships with loved ones, it’s important to know what they may be feeling and where they’re coming from. Your sobriety alone will not automatically fix everything.
Instead, start by thinking how long you’ve been/were struggling with addiction. While every family and group of friends is different, it’s highly likely that at least some of your loved ones struggled and suffered right along with you — even when they were not physically by your side. After all, addiction can result in a variety of other negative habits that go beyond substance abuse:
- Lying / frequently distorting the truth (especially when trying to cover up your addiction)
- Stealing
- Failure to be at important events and activities and often arriving late
- Forgetfulness
- Violent outbursts either verbally, physically, or both
- Saying hurtful things that you didn’t mean
Now, you probably never meant to hurt anyone, especially your loved ones. But the truth is that even if you did your best not to cause your loved ones harm or frustration, they have still most likely been deeply affected by your behavior. If you’re like many people struggling with drug addiction, your loved ones may no longer trust you. Some of them may even view you as a totally different person; someone they no longer really know. In many cases, they may feel emotionally drained. This is especially true if they’ve already tried helping you multiple times.
How To Repair Those Relationships
There are very few things in life that are permanent, broken relationships are not one of those things. There’s definitely a few things you can do to repair friendships and other kinds of relationships:
Reach Out
Timing here is incredibly important. Because you will be facing other difficulties during the initial stages of addiction treatment, it is best to wait until you have started to recover and have attained sobriety. Then you’ll be able to share your experience with them and show what you’ve already accomplished in terms of fighting your addiction — not just what you have planned for the future.
Keep in mind that you may need to reach out to some people multiple times before they agree to hear you out or meet with you. It is also imperative that you stay calm and collected the entire time, never resorting to anger or inappropriate reactions. This can be more challenging than it sounds (especially since some of your loved ones may still be upset with you), but you want to show them you changed your behavior.
Show That They Can Trust You
Demonstrating that you are dependable and trustworthy is one of the biggest things that will help to successfully rebuild your relationships after addiction. And how do you show you can be trusted? Call when you say you are going to call. Meet when you say you are going to meet. Keep promises and appointments, etc. Show that you are dedicated to your new life and everyone in it.
This step will take some time, but trust will be gradually established the more your loved ones see you actually following through and being dependable. Once they see that you are serious about sobriety, they will also see that you are serious about rebuilding your connection with them.
Don’t Ask For or Expect Anything in Return
Your goal should be to regain a healthy, positive relationship with your loved ones. You cannot do this if you are looking to gain anything else from them. Do not ask them for anything other than taking the time to accept a phone call or a meeting in person with you. They are not in your life to give you money or be taken advantage of. You will earn your loved ones’ respect and trust much faster by realizing this.
Now, if you’re like a lot of people, one or more of your loved ones may have actually served as an enabler while you were in the throes of addiction. Understand that they (and you) may be tempted to fall back into old ways. In this case, practicing awareness will be extremely helpful.
Don’t Force Things
Rebuilding relationships after addiction takes a lot of time and a lot of patience. Do not rush your loved ones or yourself! Go at your own pace. As you progress through your addiction treatment and recovery you will be increasingly better able to relate to your loved ones and connect with them. Understand that they may need therapy themselves for what they have gone through (especially if they were your enabler).
See Purpose Can Help You!
Need help navigating sober life or looking for help with addiction? At See Purpose Treatment Center in Indiana, we provide a unique approach to drug and alcohol treatment that gives you real-life options. We understand that addiction treatment and the path to sobriety are multifaceted, and what works for one person may not work for another. We also believe in the importance of a strong support network. Contact us to learn more about how we can help you recover your relationships with your loved ones. It’s never too late to regain your life!
